I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
