i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
