Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
