Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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