weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize