when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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