i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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