I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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