Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
