I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
