Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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