I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
