Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
