let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
