I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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