yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
