whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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