i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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