Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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