Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
