You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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