All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
