Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
