If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
