as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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