Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
