I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
