he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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