Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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