I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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