I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need water and some morals
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
