Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
