i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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