is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
