Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
