why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
