I just gift wrapped bread.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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