Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
