I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
