Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
