I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have fence marks all over my body
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
