honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
