How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
