Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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