life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
