so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
