So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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