My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
