i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize