This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
