Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
