I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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