i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
