All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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