I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
