Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize