is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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