I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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