im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
