Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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