Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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