We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
