this boner is exhausting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
