you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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