It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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