So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
