just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
