Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
