I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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