I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
