and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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