I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
