Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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