nut hugger
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
