I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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