so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
