The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
