somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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