His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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