I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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