So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize