You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
