at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
